pastors-blog

Guard your heart!

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:47:14 +0100

It seems as though the minute we get saved - in comes the Holy Spirit and boom! out goes all sense of reasoning. It shouldn’t be that way, in fact , we should be wiser. The heart is very fragile and should be guarded jealously because out of it comes the issues of life. Let’s go through some steps, which will help keep your heart from shattering every now and then.

Emotional Ties

Oh my! This one is like a bomb waiting to explode. It shared the same family tree as Sexual ties. There are so many ladies in undefined relationships with men. When I say undefined – they are not ordinary friends and they are not dating. They are just in-between and being in this spot can be very dangerous especially when it has been going on for years. Undefined relationships eventually ends up with one person tied emotionally to the other. There is the tendency to believe that intimacy & soul ties comes after sex, I beg to differ on this notion. Real intimacy & soul ties start when you begin to share deep personal stuff with someone. In chronic cases of emotional ties – both parties know everything about each other, people even assume they are dating or probably on the way to the altar but the guy ain't saying nada! In addition, when the lady asks, “So what’s up between us?” He mutters something of this sort “Well, what do you think?” all his words are indicating something is up but his actions are saying otherwise. Girlfriend, you had better pack your bags and don’t look back. The quicker you do this the better. If you have to do guesswork in your relationship, you are in the wrong ship. A man that sincerely loves you will not leave room for assumptions. Assumptions always look like the truth and most of the time, not the truth. No woman and man should go through the stress of having to guess where he/she stands in a relationship. Believe me; no chemistry in the world is worth that trouble. None!

Perception

Remember in the book of Numbers, chapter 13, when the Lord told Moses to send some Israelite men to explore the land of Canaan, which he wanted to give them. They came back and said “We went to the land to which you sent us and, oh! It does flow with milk and honey! The only thing is that the people who live their fierce, their cities are huge and well fortified. We cannot attack those people; they are much stronger than we are. Alongside them, we felt like grasshoppers. And they looked down on us as if we were grasshoppers.” Guarding your heart is all about perception! This is very important, if this is all you read in this column. Read it and read it well. How do you see yourself? If you were to place a value on yourself, how much will you set as the price? How much is your heart worth anyway? Do you see yourself as a grasshopper? Because from the above reading, it is quite evident that people will only see you the way you see yourself. You are priceless jewel so get yourself off the discount shelf!

The Man-Complex

Can real men please stand up? This is where most of us get it totally wrong and set ourselves up for heartbreak. Some women have all of a sudden developed the Man-complex. Women have overused the verse “He that findeth...” so much in prayer that it has lost its potency and now seems to think it is – “She that findeth....” The Bible records in Proverbs 18:22 “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing and receives favour from the Lord.” Most people say, “It’s the 21^st century and the day of waiting to be found is long gone.” It’s also been said – the patient dog doesn’t get the fattest bone anymore rather dies of starvation. Please get yourself out of the desperation mode, believe me it stinks and brodas can smell it. Men are hunters, men love the chase of going after what they want and that included you! However, if it goes the other way round, you’ll have to do the job of keeping that broda in that relationship because he didn’t WORK to get you. You did! You ask, “What about Ruth? She went after Boaz?” Ruth did not act like a complete pest. She positioned herself to be found. Ruth knew she was a good thing, and any man that did not appreciate her worth was his loss and another’s gain. Now, that’s the attitude you need to cultivate.

My dear, you are all that and a bag of chips – Let no one tell you any different. Guard your heart!

Singleness vs Loneliness

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:46:54 +0100

As a single person, have you discovered the key to living alone without being lonely? If loneliness is a daily struggle, know that many others are going through the same thing. In fact, according to our ongoing singles survey one of the worst things Christian singles find about single life are the lonely feelings that go with the territory.

Living alone is viewed in different ways by different people. Many people in their twenties have the desire to live alone - at least once - before they start a family. Especially if you lived with roommates during university, you may be eager to have your own place to do your own thing. And, living alone can be fun and liberating, but it can also be cause for loneliness and boredom. Here are a few tips on fighting those feelings while living alone, especially if you’re living alone in a new town where you don’t have any social networks.

One of the most important things when living alone is to have a hobby. If you don’t already have one, think about what you’re interested in and do some research on activities that appeal to you. Many hobbies like writing, reading, crafts, etc. are solitary hobbies that you can do from the comfort of your own apartment. However, because they are solitary they often increase the isolated feeling you may get from living alone. Take your writing to the library or to the park. Take your book to a café or quiet spot. The more time you spend in your apartment alone, the more likely you are to feel imprisoned and solitary. Sometimes, just leaving the apartment helps you feel less alone, even if you have no more social interaction than a quick thank you to a cashier. It’s important to get out, even if it is alone. Getting up and doing something will help you feel productive. Just by getting out of the same four walls, you are changing stimulation, which can be exciting even if you don’t meet anyone new.

If you do have a social network nearby, make sure to maintain a social schedule. If you have friends in the area, try to set up weekly get-togethers. Don’t leave social outings to chance, plan ahead. If you have a particularly open spot on your calendar, contact friends and family to plan activities together. If you are somewhat shy or don’t like making plans, it’s very easy to sit around and wait for other people to call you, but don’t let that happen. It’s so much easier to take the reins with the friends you have rather than try to make new ones. Even if you enjoy your solitude, it’s important to maintain physical contact with people (not just email or phone calls). Even the most reclusive people need to have real life contact once in a while.

If you’ve moved to a new town and don’t really know anyone, take the opportunity to learn. Join clubs or groups. The YMCA often offers classes in a variety of subjects as well as exercise classes. Local community centre, church or universities will also have classes or activities to enjoy. Community centres or libraries will often have fliers for classes, lectures or other gatherings that you may be of interest. Since you’re taking a voluntary class or voluntarily attending a lecture, chances are you will meet people with similar interests. Try to be cheerful and approachable and make sure you really enjoy the subject (in other words, you’re not just going to meet people). You aren’t guaranteed to make friends, but you will enjoy learning something new and at least having some contact with a variety of people. You can join or start a 4I Small Group (SG); it is the getting together of at least three people with the primary purpose of fostering purposeful & meaningful relationships.

Volunteer. Keeping busy is important to battle boredom, but loneliness can still pervade busyness. By volunteering for an organization or cause you feel strongly about, you are using your time in a way that will make you feel good. Again, you may not meet friends, but by doing something valuable with your time you feel better about yourself and are less likely to feel lonely when working toward something important. It is a lot harder to feel sorry for yourself and lonely when you are helping an important ideal.

At the end of the day, take time to realize and enjoy certain things you will only be able to do while you live alone. Decorate in an outrageous style; sing at the top of your lungs. Remember, in the future if you live with someone else you lose some of the freedom to make all of your own choices. Try to enjoy that freedom of choice while it’s possible.

Pastors — Wimps or Endangered Species?

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 12:14:40 +0100

More than 1,500 pastors leave the ministry every month.

Read that again. It is not a typo.

And if you think that statistic is troubling, you should probably stop reading this right now. I’m serious. This is not for the faint of heart. If you do choose to keep reading, you may want to go grab some Mylanta or Pepto Bismol first. These statistics are very upsetting.

In the past month alone I have been asked to meet with two pastors, both of whom are seriously considering packing it in and walking away. Two, in just one month! And these guys are no slouches. They are both good men who love their families, love the Lord, and love the church. They are gifted, dedicated, hard working, passionate guys with a proven track record, both of whom have made a significant impact for the Kingdom of God. But they both look like weary prize fighters with their backs against the ropes; bruised, bleeding and discouraged, wondering how many more rounds they can endure. It’s heart breaking, and frankly, it scares the living daylights out of me. Are pastors wimps, or are the demands being placed on them so far beyond reason that they are cracking under the pressure?

Take a look, if your dare, at just a few of the gut-wrenching statistics compiled by George Barna, Focus on the Family, and other respected organizations:

80% of pastors believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families. Many pastor’s children do not attend church now because of what the church has done to their parents.
90% of pastors feel they are inadequately trained to cope with the demands of ministry.
70% say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started.
Only 1 out of every 10 ministers will actually retire as a minister in some form.
The profession of Pastor is near the bottom of a survey of the most-respected professions.
Over 4,000 churches closed in America last year. That’s more than 10 every single day.
Many denominations report an “empty pulpit crisis”. They cannot find ministers willing to fill positions.
More than 50% of all pastors are so discouraged that they regularly consider leaving the ministry.
80% of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
85% of pastors said their greatest struggle is dealing with problem people such as disgruntled members, elders, deacons, worship leaders, worship teams, board members, and associate pastors.
90% said the ministry was completely different than what they thought it would be before they began.
80% of pastors’ wives feel left out and unappreciated by the church members.
80% of pastors’ wives wish their spouse would choose another profession.
50% of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.
70% of pastors constantly fight depression.

What in the world is happening? Something has gone horribly wrong. And I didn’t even bother to include all the grizzly statistics of the pastors who get involved in adultery and other horrid things, often with members of their own church. But you’ve already seen enough of that on the news, as has the rest of the watching world… ad nauseam.

I have to tell you, this stuff really shakes me up, not only for all the obvious reasons, but because I’m a pastor, and I know I’m not immune from any of this mess. I think about my family, our church, the cause of Christ, and it makes me tremble to consider what’s at stake. And I’m one of the fortunate pastors. I know that. I have the privilege of being part of a church that is genuinely characterized by love, where the leadership is truly united as one… but even with that, I still feel these statistics stalking me. I can feel them breathing down my neck at times, ready to pounce and sink their fangs into me. So if I have to be constantly vigilant to safeguard myself against these things while serving in a great church, how must pastors feel who slog away in a church filled with strife and church politics? No wonder the dropout rate is so high.

Believe me, I’m aware that writing an article of this nature might come across as self-serving — you know, be nicer to “us pastors”… but you’ll just have to trust me when I tell you that my intentions are far from that. I am just so deeply troubled by these numbers, (which continue to worsen every year), and my heart aches so much when I see pastors becoming “statistics” instead of finishing strong. I also realize that pastors crash and burn for a myriad of reasons — sometimes through their own doing, and sometimes because of what churches do to them — and I know I can’t solve this crisis by writing this article. Still, I felt compelled to say something in the hopes of maybe encouraging a few people out there.

If you’re not a pastor, these statistics may come as an enormous shock to you. If you are a pastor, they don’t shock you at all. In fact, I guarantee you that you’ve already identified with several of them, and there’s probably one that is your “biggie” — the one that keeps you awake many nights. Let me just leave you with a few things to ponder.

It’s easy for the demands of ministry to become so consuming that they drain you of your passion for Jesus. That sounds impossibly ironic, but it’s true. You can’t pour water out of an empty bucket, and you can’t minister to others when your soul is parched. Don’t make the mistake of allowing your “study time” for sermons to replace your own personal time with the Lord. They are not the same. Spend private time with God exclusively for your own nourishment, letting Him feed your soul. Regardless of how pressed you feel for time, your family and your ministry will reap more benefits out of your private time with God than you could possibly accomplish through any other means. Pray often. Don’t try to shoulder the burdens of the church without God’s wisdom and guidance. Take your struggles to Him and you will find uncommon grace and insight to help you through.
Your wife comes before your church. The world already has enough “successful” pastors who are failures at home. Don’t be one of them. Be on your guard… I promise you that Satan is going to try and trip you up in this area! There is no ministry worth sacrificing your marriage for. None! One of my favorite childhood memories is when I overheard my mom talking about my dad to some people, and she said, “He’s the same man at home that he is in the pulpit. He lives what he preaches.” Pastors, if your wife can’t say that about you, it’s time for a reality check. Fall in love with your wife all over again. Put her needs before the needs of the church. She is your first ministry!
The same goes for your children. Honestly, the statistics on pastors’ children are the ones that scare me more than anything. Pastors’ children leave the church in droves. This is an area I am constantly monitoring because it is so easy to drop the ball here! In fact, just this past Tuesday night at our men’s meeting, I asked some of the men in our church to pray for me for this very thing — that I would never make my family feel like Place of Victory is more important than they are. If you want to get real on this, then find the right moment to sit down with each of your children and ask, “Is there any way I’m failing you as a dad? Is there anything you wish I would do differently?” You might be surprised at what you hear. Pastors, if we lose our own kids, was it really worth it? Let me get very “spiritual” with you for a moment… go out and buy the old song called “Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin. Seriously, do it. Then block out all distractions and listen to every word of that song. Keep it handy and listen to it often. It’s the greatest song ever written about the regrets of a busy father. Make it one of your top priorities in life to never let that song be true of you. I don’t want my church “busyness” to leave my kids feeling like their daddy was too busy for them! My prayer is that, when my children leave home, they will still love Jesus, they will still love the Church, and they will still be passionately involved in His mission.
Don’t try to be Superman. You can’t do it all. Resist the urge to let your church set you up as the “big man on campus”. You’ll only be setting yourself up for a fall. Don’t even get me started on the whole “Senior Pastor” thing… it’s a dangerous trap. Lead alongside other leaders in your church, not above them. You’re not a CEO, you’re a shepherd… an undershepherd, at that. Forget what the Church has bought into with the whole “clergy/laity” thing. It’s a lie, and it’s completely unbiblical. Yes, God has ordained leadership in the church, but teach your people that you are no “better” than they are; you’ve only been called to a different role. Teach them who they really are in Christ — that they are the church. Don’t be timid — tell them the truth — that their mission as Christians is not to come and occupy a seat every Sunday so you can fill up their spiritual tank, and then they’re done for the week. Remind them again and again that they are the church, and that if the mission of Jesus is going to be accomplished, it is going to happen through them being the church. Teach them that the Church is not some place they go to watch the pastor do ministry… but that ministry is what happens through their lives. Then, (and this is critical), give them your blessings and unleash them to go and do ministry in whatever ways God burdens their hearts for… whether it has anything to do with your church or not. Remember, it’s not about your church. It’s about the Mission of Jesus Christ. I believe that church pews across United Kingdom are filled with people who are gifted and ready to explode into ministry, but they’ve never been given “permission” by their pastor to do it. This will be one of the greatest things you will ever do for your church, and for yourself.
Stop comparing your church to other churches. There are only two possible outcomes of doing that — pride or discouragement. You’ll either think you’re doing a much better job than somebody else, or you’ll feel like you will never measure up. Don’t do it. It’s deadly. I know how hard it is to not get caught up in all that, especially here in U.K! It has reached epidemic proportions. There are Christian organizations that publish lists every year like, “Britain;s largest churches”. Have we lost our minds?! Pastors who never make it on that list live with a constant sense of not accomplishing anything noteworthy for the Kingdom of God. And pastors who do make it on the list — at least a few of the honest ones — have admitted how it got inside their head and started playing mind games with them. They would look and say, “Wow, we’re number 8 this year… we’re ahead of so-and-so… I wonder what it would take for us to move up next year?” Listen to me pastors, this is dangerous stuff. We don’t need to be caught up in those things. In the last few verses of John 21, Jesus told Peter what kind of death he (Peter) was going to die. Peter looked over and saw John, and he asked Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered Peter and said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You follow me!” As pastors, we do not need to be concerned about the ministry God has given to someone else. Jesus says the same thing to us… “What is that to you? You follow me!”
Take time off. (Yes, I know… our leaders at Place of Victory are rolling their eyes as they read this.) I’m the world’s worst in this area. I admit that. But I thank God for surrounding me with elders and ministry leaders who relentlessly but lovingly beat the tar out of me for not taking enough time off to rest my soul. I am doing a little better with it though, and the older I get, the more I see how important this really is. My problem is, I was raised and taught to be a faithful man, and I usually try to be faithful to the point of exhaustion. But the truth is, there’s really nothing noble or smart about burning yourself out. That’s not faithfulness at all. It’s not healthy for you as a pastor, nor is it healthy for your family or your church. This has definitely been a blind spot for me as a pastor, and believe me, I have felt the consequences. (Take some time to read Exodus 18 and see how Moses was burning himself out. Then see how someone came along and pointed out his blind spot to help solve the problem. There are powerful lessons in that chapter!) Thankfully there are people in my life who are helping me see my blind spots. So pastors, learn to do what I’m learning to do… let others preach for you at regular intervals… let others help take phone calls for you… let others help handle church emergencies for you… find time regularly where you are completely unplugged from everything to do with your church. Everything. Believe me, your church will survive for a while without you.

This is by no means intended to be an exhaustive list. The burdens of ministry are so vast that they could not possibly be addressed in this format. But remember this, Jesus loves the Church more than you do; so much that He gave His life for it, and He does not expect you to serve alone. He is with you. And Jesus also loves you, pastor, and He has not forgotten where you are for a single moment! Although you may be laboring in a difficult field right now, He knows where you are and He sees your faithfulness. May I leave you with a verse that has helped me many times during those moments when I felt like I was wasting my time and that my labour for the Lord was amounting to nothing? Take this verse to heart. Think upon it often…

Hebrews 6:10 - God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them.

May the Lord bless you and encourage you in the coming days. You are doing a work that matters! That’s precisely why it is so hard. Don’t let up. Stay the course. Hopefully one day we’ll see each other at the finish line!